November 27, 2011

Women and Violence



«Let's talk about  Women and violence. Violence affects the lives of millions of women worldwide, in all socio-economic and educational classes. It cuts across cultural and religious barriers, impeding the right of women to participate fully in society. Despite this, some females fall prey to violence before they are born, when expectant parents abort their unborn daughters, hoping for sons instead ( For example, in china). In other societies, girls are subjected to such traditional practices as circumcision, which leave them maimed and traumatized (In some parts of Africa and Asia). Others are compelled to marry at an early age, before they are physically, mentally or emotionally mature. And rape is still being used as a weapon of war, a strategy used to subjugate and terrify entire communities. Soldiers deliberately impregnate women of different ethnic groups and abandon them when it is too late to get an abortion.»
source?


I think that, women are subjected to violence of all forms and at any time. No matter where, either at home by her (ww=wrong word) husbandX (missing ending) , at work, on the street (?how?)  before the company (what do you mean? please restructure this) ... ... ... the truth is that the woman is deprived X  (of what?) and broken down almost everything (wrong structure: makes it impossible to understand what you mean..) and this comes from a long time, mainly because of traditions. But this is a sad thing and is shamefull (wrong spelling) cause (too informal for the type of text! and the spelling should be 'cause) the (no article!) rights are for everyone, women and men, and this have to finish. We deserve better, let us be (wrong idea: what you meant to say was precisely the opposite!!) mistreated by men.

By Ellie Marly



4 comments:

  1. Ellie, please identify the researched sources properly. Which of the 2 links U have included does the 1st. part of your post belong to?

    after the 'copied text', you should write the word 'source' and put a link there.


    -- correct that, please

    Besides, the introduction is too long. What matters in this type of assignments is what you write, your own texts!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. " humm, ok", but still ... :-)

    re-read my 1st. comment, please, and «-- correct that, please!»

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've corrected your text, Ellie, and put it in the "equal rights 4 women" page.

    ReplyDelete

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